Holes

Every day we lose and acquire things- obligations, objects, friendships, shared understandings, confidence . . . Most of the time, we are conscious of these acquisitions and passings only momentarily, but sometimes we are hit by a gaping hole in our lives that used to be filled.







These holes may not be of the happiest sorts- indeed they could have been past frustrations, confusions, outright anger, or low self esteem. But they might also be happiness, comforts, genuine loves, and friendships . . .

Either way, they were a part of us and suddenly they are not there anymore. This can be jolting. Perhaps we become entranced with something new to fill those holes so we don't have to think about it. Or, we become so consumed by them, letting the loss take over our lives.

I'm not sure I want to do either. I want to acknowledge my holes and allow them to be a focal point when they call for attention. But I also want to move on.

I don't want to fill my holes unnaturally. One reason I have holes is I previously overcommitted myself and led a more intensive, stressful lifestyle. But now I would like to simplify and challenge "need to do" over expectations.

It can be hard to lose something that became a everyday part of living to you. Especially if it balanced you, put you in perspective, had sex with you, and comforted you. But holes are meant to be filled at some point. And the next journey will bring new perspectives, joys, challenges, and opportunities to experience. And, if we are forever focused on what we have "lost", how can we enjoy what is right infront of us?