Hans Breder

I go looking for one thing and end up finding something completely different, but absolutely stunning.

Body Play 2

After awhile, I got really into photographing my back. I liked focusing on my backbone and playing with different positions to show curves and crevices. I wanted these to be about form and body shape. I really enjoy looking at nude or partially nude photos that aren't about being naked as much as they show how incredible and beautiful the human body is.

This was a very different type of photo shoot for me. These photos don't really have a "story" or overwhelming emotional aspect, as many of my other shoots have tried to convey. This was about form, color, structure and was pretty impersonal (but still personal in a different way, if that makes sense). I feel I could have taken photos like this with another model and gotten similar results and it's something I might start considering for the future. I feel like I've spent a lot of time focusing on emotional content and am feeling a pull toward learning some more technical aspects and experimenting with different photographing techniques.

Body Play

This week I was inspired by Brenna's photos from last week's critique. I already had an idea of photographing yoga poses, with a much more dramatic lighting, but when I tried to do it a couple weeks ago with a model in the studio, I couldn't get it the lighting quite right, got frustrated, and left it for another day. When I saw Brenna's photos, I really liked her concept of making interesting, somewhat abnormal shapes with the body and wanted to see what I could come up with. I also wanted to focus on color- I wanted everything to look very clean and streamlined with an emphasis on the subject (my body). I used the green yoga mat because I liked how it popped out and worked with the white walls and warm, wood floor (plus it made holding some poses a lot more comfortable). Next.

First Snow

First snowfall of the year. There's always something magical and wonderous about it. I love when the snow falls softly to the ground in the middle of the night. There is a silence and stillness that overcomes you when you walk through it. Time is at a standstill. The cold isn't even that unbearable- just being outside and feeling the quiet surround you (even when you are with others) is enough. At least that's how I feel.

Impressions 2

However, now I am starting to feel a pull back to reality. I have learned a lot in the past few months, but now I feel like a new transition is beginning. I'm not exactly sure where this one is taking me and I haven't fully accepted it, but I think it's happening.

Being in this "floater" state also scares me sometimes. It's not that I'm worried about the future. It's just that this way of being is so foreign to me. I love it almost all the time-- but every once in awhile I wonder if it's feasible to keep up.

I've always been someone who believes in balance. Even though I may be categorized as an "extremist" in some ways, I don't think I do well hovering at the end of each spectrum. I like being able to see all sides and work with them.

So maybe these photos are meant to show an extreme side. One that I find beautiful, intriguing, otherworldly,  loving, light, unburdened, serendipitous.

But it is also elusive to me in some ways. Which is why it is an impression. A necessary experience, but there is more. I was thinking of a dream I had this summer. It was long, but towards the end I found a church/ temple in the middle of a desert. Inside it was warm, beautiful, sparkling, peaceful and still. I was invited to stay as long as I wanted, forever if I wanted to. I was alone in this church, but I knew I could. I stayed there (for how long I don't know because "time" didn't exist), but in the end, I left. My dream ended with me looking down from a dune to the church, then turning my head and seeing an endless expanse of desert. And that is where I feel I am. 

Impressions

This week was an experiment. I have been looking at some surrealist photography that has inspired me to do something "unreal" . . . or maybe it is real if I thought of it and created it. Anyway, I started with the idea of doing over exposed images and ended up playing with a long exposure (10-15 seconds) to create impressions of myself. I really like the effect and it kind of played into my original intent. 

Lately I have been feeling ungrounded. Which is odd for me, as someone who is very much tied to the earth. I used to feel a lot of direction and purpose. But now I feel like a floater, going with whatever whim hits me.

This isn't a "bad" thing. I feel free, unburdened. I don't stress about things I used to spend a lot of energy on. I am much more open to the unknown and spend more of my time doing what I feel like doing as opposed to    what I think I "have" to do.

It's odd though. And I'm not sure it's entirely me. I feel like the universe has been giving me time- free from pressing needs and allowing me to address things at my own pace, as opposed to throwing them onto me all at once. Continue.

Playing, not playing

This isn't to say I don't play my own games. I get angry, upset, frustrated, stressed, and sick doing things I "have" to do. I feel run down, bound to obligation, and offended by dissenters when my games aren't going the way I want them to.

But one thing I'm learning is that I choose the games I play. And when I step back and look at the broader picture, I see that I can choose happiness, fun, love or I can make myself miserable. This doesn't mean I don't care about anything or that I'm not partaking in what I believe is "right". I just try take joy in what I do now as opposed to loathing it.

It's about perspective I suppose. These photos allow me to laugh at myself, to think about something I used to take seriously and now have a different approach to, and put it in the context of my current choices. It's fun to play games and sometimes it's fun to be so caught up in them we forget there are other games being played. So I guess I just want to be able to create my experience and not limit myself by limiting myself. Yeah.

Playing, not playing

This game can get really stressful. Sometimes you stay up all night writing things because you are afraid of not getting a grade close to 100 and stress yourself out. Sometimes you have a bazillion assignments all due in one week and you want to get a grade close to 100 so you stress yourself out. Sometimes you enjoy your life and don't think about the school game for awhile, then feel very guilty for not playing and stress yourself out for that.

Kind of a vicious cycle, eh? And lots of people play it. So it's hard to say no. Everyone says the pay off is worth it-- next you get to play the work game, the homeowner game, maybe even one day the parent game! Woo hoo!

This has all been a bit harsh, I realize. My intention is not not say that everyone who plays the school game is unintelligent or can't think for themselves. However, I do believe it is a game and the more I wean myself off of it, the sillier it seems to me that we take it so seriously, along with other games. Last one!

Playing, not playing

In the spirit of these photos, descriptions will be provided at a later date when I have learned to play the ukelele, finished the third season of True Blood, finger painted, created a dance to Gangnum Style, contemplated the meaning of life then realized I should be rolling around in the leaves, and have had a pumpkin beer. But seriously, there will be more to come when True Blood is over . . .

Alright, the later date has come, so what is this all about? School? One could say. Life? Indeed. Contemplating happiness? Oh, yeah.   

I was thinking about games. We humans (maybe I'm assuming too much in relation to other beings, but we'll dissect that at a later date) like to play them. Sometimes for fun, other times for fun, but we don't really think of it that way.

At one point in my life I played this game called school. The school game is where you try to win points by getting the highest grade on assignments (generally out of 100). You then have your points averaged by a certified school gamer (also know as teacher) and they determine whether or not you are a "good" student.

The school game could be really competitive. You could be super competitive amongst your fellow school gamers and hate on each other by comparing GPA's or just put a lot of pressure on yourself because your parents said they liked you more when you were winning the game or you felt like your were hurting the certified school gamer's feelings when you fell asleep during a boring ass lecture. Continue . . .